So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
