before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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