But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
