so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I'm really busy with my period
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