Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
