Do you still have your period?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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