he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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