i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
