my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
