I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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