if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
