I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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