you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Randomize
