Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
