at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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