Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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