a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
