im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
