I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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