I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
