It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize