Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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