Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Boobs speak an international language.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
