If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
