i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize