Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize