So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
