Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
