Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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