Im at strip club and am horny
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize