I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
