a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
