I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
