oh god the rape fog is back!
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
