just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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