Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
