Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize