She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
