i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
