non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
