Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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