hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
