How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
They are going to name an STD after you.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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