You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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