He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
