I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We got so high we made milksteak
and i looked up. we had an audience...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
