i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
