Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
