Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
