I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
