tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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