my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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