I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
