My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
