I must be too annoying 4 u.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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