We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
