I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
