hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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