omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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