i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
