pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
