I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
