i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
