she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
