oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
