is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize