oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
