i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
