I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
