what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
