I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
