lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
