It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
