I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
