You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
