That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you told grandpa to call you daddy
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
