he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
