She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize