New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
