Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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