I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
