i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
