I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
