Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
