I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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