I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize