I want you more than these girls want KFC
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
