It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
