i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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