I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
