it wasn't lemon gatorade
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
