And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
this will be a night to untag.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
