There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize