insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
