Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
soo... how was my night?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
