Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Blood and glitter go together right?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
