she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize