If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
