Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
