so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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