did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
