There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
