There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
