Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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