I wish my penis had an off switch
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
