your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
