I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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