Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
