yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
